A 3 year-old, a group of headteachers and Zhuangzi

What can my 3 year old son and many school leaders I have spoken to recently, learn from a Chinese philosopher writing in the 3rd Century BC?

My son is GREAT with his baby brother. He is kind, tolerant and great at making him laugh. 

However, every so often (usually after a toy has been snatched from his hand), my eldest son turns to ask ‘when will he go back in mummy’s belly?’ 

We explain that he is part of the family and, even when things are not going as you want them to, we won’t be returning to the old ways. We have to adapt to the new circumstances. 

We have to learn to thrive in the new dynamics.

Zhuangzi, a philosopher, makes the point that from the very earliest days of humanity, we have been adding ‘artifices’ onto the world. From the simple irrigation channel to the complexity of the internet, these are just new additions layered upon thousands of other interconnected artifices. The very idea of being able to ‘go back’ is not possible. All we can do is adapt.

What has this got to do with school leaders?

I am increasingly having conversations with school leaders about issues they are grappling with - attendance, engagement and staff retention to name just a few common ones. My work focuses on all of these points, but the one I want to zoom-in on here is parents. 

The parent school relationship has changed.

There is an acknowledgement of the fact that parent - school relationships are more challenging than they used to be, but it is often phrased as ‘since Covid…’. 

Implicit in this is the idea that, all things being well, we don’t need to make any major changes because eventually, it will all go back to how things were before.

It wont.

My argument (based on me going on this journey with my children right now) is that there are structural reasons for this which were perhaps catalysed by Covid, but not caused by the pandemic.

Firstly, more and more parents have experience of a ‘school’ setting before formal school begins. Whereas in 2000, roughly 60% of children attended nursery before starting primary school, now the figure is between 90%-95% (depending on which sources you use). These nurseries are trying their hardest to 1) attract parents and 2) ease the transition (it will be the first time parents have left their child with someone who is not a trusted family member). 

In our experience, I have an app which is updated daily which tells me what (and how much) my child has eaten, toilet use and usually some photos of him playing (linked to the EYFS framework). I have daily contact with his key worker and any needs we have, I know the nursery will try to accommodate. Some of my friends send their children to nurseries which allow you to log-in and see the CCTV cameras to check-on your child if you are ever worried.

Contrast this to what they will get when their child starts primary school (let alone secondary school). It is easy to see why we have misaligned expectations.

Secondly, the idea of ‘parenting’ has shifted. I see this first hand. There is a desire for parents to want to do the best for their child - parent-focussed books, blogs and courses on everything from pre-birth to weaning. Is a letter sent home from school really what modern parents are used to? They are usually keen to learn.

Finally, the social contract which held has weakened. A lot of our state institutions rely on implicit and automatic trust. Everything works better when it is built on a foundation of trust. For a variety of reasons, many people no longer believe that the state has their best interests at heart - the automatic trust of the past now needs to be earned deliberately and strategically.

If we accept this - there is hope. We can now adapt to the new reality. Realign, and rethink our approaches to build on all of the positives which are being lost behind the negatives. We can tap into this huge parent energy which now exists to make the system better for everyone.

If you are a school leader who is interested in rethinking your strategy - check out my work or visit here for more info.